Is your past haunting your current relationship?

Is your past haunting your current relationship?

By Lori Ann Davis


Everyone comes into relationships with a past. This past can bring with it unresolved issues that can affect the health of current relationships. We all have losses in our lives when it comes to relationships. It may be a first love that we will never forget or a relationship we just got out of. Even your current relationships can have painful moments. I do not think anyone is free from some kind of past hurt in regard to relationships. These past experiences (whether they are from your family of origin, past relationship losses, or events from your current relationship) can cause negative thoughts and beliefs that can affect your current happiness. It will also affect your happiness in the future if not dealt with.


Sometimes we come to a place that reminds us of past hurts and we react to the current situation based on that past hurt. We might even becanstockphoto10470316come stuck in a pattern where current events trigger past emotions within us. These reactions and the feelings that accompany them, can stop us from moving forward and creating better relationships. They can keep us stuck in past hurt and not allow for happiness in the present.


Although we do not have the power to always choose life’s events, we do have the power to change how we interpret them. There is a saying you may have heard, “People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Relationships are in our lives for different reasons; some are meant to be forever, and some only serve a purpose and run their course. Relationships are the main avenue for us to learn life lessons. It is important to find the lesson, love the person for what they provided, and learn for the future. Have you learned from your past?


Letting go of past experiences and forgiving others and ourselves is an important part of moving forward. We are not taught how to accept a relationship or a person for what they have given us and then to move on. What did you learn from past relationships? What did you learn about yourself? What was the silver lining in these experiences? What role did you play? It is important to stop blaming others and take responsibility for your own actions. Even though you may be justified in your feelings of hurt, anger, or betrayal, carrying that with you will drag you down. It makes it hard, if not impossible to move forward. Freedom comes from forgiving our past and ourselves. Let go of past baggage and feel the huge weight lifted. Your relationships will be healthier and happier.


It might be time to take inventory of your life and your relationships. Are there areas where you are stuck? Do you overreact to events in your current relationship because they remind you of past hurts? Is there someone you need to forgive so you can move forward with a healthier, happier relationship?


Don’t let the past negatively affect your current or future relationships. Don’t let negative thoughts and beliefs stay and determine your future. You are in control of what you create in your life from now on! This is not always easy work to do, but the results are worth it. You don’t have to go it alone. Reach out and find a qualified counselor or coach to help you on your journey if you feel stuck and would like some help.


Lori is a Certified Relationship Specialist –Author- Radio Host Lori has a unique and passionate approach to love and relationships and believes that everyone deserves and can have the relationship of their dreams. Her mission is to provide you with the skills you need to have the unstoppable relationship you deserve. She has over 28 years’ experience empowering individuals and couples to live richer, happier lives. She has an in-person private practice in Charlotte, NC and also provides relationship coaching by phone to people throughout the United States. Her practice spans the spectrum from dating and singles to working through divorce to renewing long-term marriages. In addition to workshops, classes, couples’ retreats and a local singles group, Lori’s radio show "Real Talk" on Ivyberadio has become a popular medium to share relationship information. Born and raised in New Orleans, she has a master’s degree in clinical psychology from the University of West Florida in Pensacola. For more than 20 years, she was a mental health counselor practicing individual, marriage and family therapy in Florida. Now living in Charlotte, Lori is the mother of three daughters and is proud to homeschool her two