An Unwavering Commitment to Surrender All
By Bumi Benjamin
During the times of witnessed change, the rise of circumstance and conflict scorched the thickness of my skin. Beliefs and life decisions were challenged. Though I walked unimpinged, I could not see beyond the vibrations of the wall I had embraced in front of me. This is not a fallacious perspective.
For years I felt I was living life consciously whilst reaching milestones. I’ve been largely self-educated and have taught myself to play musical instruments, speak a foreign language and have established a lucrative business. Progress allowed me to embrace all the opportunities on the table. Touring and promoting my poetry as well as music gave me the opportunity to collaborate with other creative souls. I was thrilled in the experience of coordinating and hosting networking events which gave me the opportunity to learn from other visionaries. Running a creative service gave me the opportunity to connect with clients from around the globe and taste new cultures through their life stories. Regardless of the storms, my life felt intellectually attractive and every new step psychologically tenable. When I tried to amplify these chords being a woman of substance cultivated by many passions, something was still breaking me.
Here I am climbing this unwavering mountain. It is my justice. It is my courage. Yet, I stop at this wall at various intervals of my life thinking it is vibrating only from poor choices, limitations and fear. There was a pouring of question in mind. Was the power of my tongue injecting negative energy into my existence? Am I progressing life in a cluttered environment? Or, maybe I am not planting good intentions. So, I stood pondering this one important question, ‘How can I grab my life by the throat and begin documenting my proverbs in between the boundaries of trust and significance?’ When truth surfaced, the wall began to shake.
I realized the poison that goes on in the cracks of this wall was other people’s vibrations that I had allowed to affect me. This disheartening pool of vibrations consisted of people who I considered close to me who in turn rejected, criticized and generally never understood what I was doing. Crying and anger filled many days. No matter how much I accomplished in life, I wanted them to accept and believe more in me.
What was the leveling point? I was listening to a sermon and reading the transcript and this one question awakened the core of my being, ‘Have you ever been chosen and afraid?’ When you are chosen there will be many who may not understand why you must do what you do when God orders your steps. God played a major chess move in my life. Not once, several times during the course of over a year. Unusual experiences began. Doors were closed. Life changing conversations disrupted complacency. I had no choice but to let go of those vibrations, suffocate aggressive doubt and become dead in this flesh so that I could move into the right position for which I am called.
I understand the power and the pain. I understand the success and the sorrow. Unwritten chapters of my life since a childhood were dreamingly filled with pages of influence. My only hope was to inspire others through positive efforts; helping them embrace who they are and fully live life. I am not a coach or a trainer. What I am is a thinker with seedful gifts. It was not until one year from this day that I started to live my life on purpose with a fresh perspective and complete alignment.
Today, I am breathing differently.
Bumi Benjamin is an inspirational Poet and Author of “Nation Don’t Oppress Me” and “Rewrite: Rekindling Internal Hope”. Both available on Amazon Kindle). She is also an internationally known Visual Design Strategist of brand identity, product packaging and printed media design. Engage with Bumi Benjamin at www.MsBenjamin.com.
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